Finding your voice without speaking

We’ve all got a voice, it speaks to us all the time, only it doesnt always make a sound.  We are often afraid to say what we are thinking, afraid to give it volume, afraid to be honest and particularly afraid to be honest with ourselves.  We confuse ourselves and lose ourselves.

And perhaps many of us ending up feeling like this :-

“My life swam around me, it took a look and drowned me, in its own existence”   Paul Weller

Although I love the lyric, I dont want to feel like that, so yesterday I can report that I was re-fuelled, re-inspired and re-energised by Jackee Holder and I wanted to share.  Jackee spoke at Barefoot Winter Conference on ‘Writing Between The Gaps’, and held a wide range of people in her thrall, transfixed, emotional, smiling, happy.  Filled with endorphins and oxytocin.  You see she is a proper writer and found her voice through writing, and loves sharing that with others.  To help them find their voice.  Jackee has written books and blogs and the like but started with a journal.  I say started because her house must now be full of piles of journals, notebooks, loose papers and luggage tags.  Boy the woman can write!

For me, I discovered a while ago the power of just grabbing a pen (or a sharp pencil – apparently its a thing?!) and just letting it dance around on a page, with no censorship, no inner critic, no thought of spelling, no thought of trying to write legibly (which is just as well!!).  And this was great, and I wanted to put form and structure on it, and plan it out, and blend it into a development plan.

All good stuff, reflective practice and all that, very adult, very sensible.  And it was good and is good.  To set time aside, to really write down honestly my own thoughts (hey, your thoughts are yours, you created them, no-one else put them there!) – and this is good and does work, and I will keep doing it.

But what Jackee helped me realise yesterday is that it had lost a little power, a little edge, a little of that deep personal, emotional sense of self.  Not lost much, but definitely lost something.  So yesterday, whether it was the words, the moment, the tools, the people or the room itself, (who has Roman busts of themselves in their house, honestly?!!), I found that lost edge.  I found it in the gap.

And boy was it emotional, filling me up, making my chest hurt and my head swim – reconnecting with myself, and re-finding my voice.  Re-energising me, giving me lots of tips and food for thought, and absolute clear permission to love trees!!

You see connecting with nature is very powerful (see Dr Dan Siegel, Healthy Mind Platter).  And there is something immeasurably powerful about writing down what you are thinking, with a writing implement, something elemental, and when read back the words can speak to you, give you fresh insights.  Help you to thrive and feel alive.

So, I wanted to finish with one thought, grab a pen (or a sharp pencil if you prefer), and some paper like stuff,  and just go for it.  Just write, and write and write and write and write.  You will find your style, your way and your voice in a way that no amount of actual speaking can ever give to you.  So speak up, silently, or you may not be able to hear yourself.